Home is Where the USA Puts You
by insane2
Summary: Basically Cameron's family has to move again. This is about everyone's struggle to keep our beloved Cameron. The first chapter is pretty short. Be kind. This is my first story that even remotely had to do with romance. It'll get more Cameron=Bianca-i
1. Chapter one, featuring pulverized celery

Okay, there are barely any 'Cameron+Bianca' fanfiction. It's all Patrick plus Kate, which is fine if you're not one of the people that skips through all of their scenes ('cept for the singing one on the bleachers, 'cause that was just bloody brilliant) but if your one of the ill-bred buffoons like yours truly, you find yourself.bored. So here's for Bianca and Cameron, whom do I like for 4 reasons: 1. C'mon, it's Joseph Gordan Levitt. Ya gotta like him 2. He's lanky! Lanky guys rock! 3. He was on '3rd Rock from the Sun' who had Newman from 'Seinfeld.' Therefore, that show is genius on spatula. 4. Oh yeah, there's that Bianca chick too. Yeah, she's okay. My god, I have got to get a life.  
  
WARNING: This is a warning. Turn back. If you keep on reading you will be a witness of:  
  
+total lack of plot  
  
+grammatical errors  
  
+spelling errors  
  
+plot holes  
  
+rambling  
  
+characters losing all personality  
  
+a writer's struggle against sanity  
  
+teen angst  
  
+obscure or non-sensical references  
  
+false promises  
  
+plain stupidity  
  
+extremely high voltage  
  
That is your warning. Flee to the hills while you can, for your own safety and the safety of your computer. You wouldn't wish any pain upon your computer, would you? You love your computer. Look at its bright screen, its sparkling lights, its good, trusting nature. Listen to its reassuring buzzing. You wouldn't want to lose that friend, would you? If you're still reading this, FOR YOUR COMPUTER'S SAKE! GO! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
If you don't care about the well being of you or your not-so-beloved computer and are still reading, you sicken me. But, you went this far, so I won't disappoint you. Here is the story.  
  
AND SO THE STORY ENSUES! DUN-DA-DUN!  
  
'Twas a normal day at Padua High School. The birds were chirping the teachers were groaning, and Ms. Perky was shut in her office armed with coffee, a thesaurus, and a laptop to help her write her erotic story. But I would rather not get into that at the moment. A plot awaits us, believe it or not. Not much of a plot, but a plot all the same.  
  
To the passerby it would seem that school had just gotten out. The passerby would be.[opens envelope like they do at the Oscars] right. Wow. Well, there's a first time for everything. But it seems that Cameron is doing something that is NOT the first happening.  
  
Scene shows Cameron who is walking home with Bianca and Mike. You may be wondering "Why isn't Mike on his motorcycle thing?" Well, I wanted him for this scene so lets just say his motorcycle was confiscated by his dad. I don't know why. I'll think of something. I always do.  
  
"So then my dad said that he wouldn't give me back my motorcycle until I got better grades in art. Art is NOT my forte, as you both know." Michael told them as they walked through the school parking lot.  
  
Bianca nodded, remembering vaguely a sculpture gone wrong on account of Michael. She had most of her attention centered on Cameron, who was talking on a cell phone [yeah, I know Cameron isn't the type to have a cell phone. Let's just say it's Bianca's or something]. She wasn't sure what the news was but she was sure it wasn't an all expenses paid trip to the Bahamas. Something about Cameron's expression and tone had tipped her off.  
  
"But-Can't this wait? I know! But lets face it, you call everything "urgent." Fine, fine, I'll be home. What do you mean "it's not my fault"? What's not your fault? Okay.I'll be home. Yeah. Bianca and Michael, why? Okay, I'll go home and I wont be side tracked. I wish you would at least tell me what this is about, though. Bye." Cameron handed Bianca her phone.  
  
"What was that about?" Bianca asked. After all, who wouldn't be curious when their boyfriend gets a weird call? Perhaps someone who is not nosy. But come on, this is Bianca we're talking about.  
  
"I don't know. My mom just told me it was urgent and that I have to go home." Cameron said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.  
  
"You don't have a clue what this is about?" Michael inquired, finally realizing that his motorcycle story was not in public interest.  
  
"Oh, I have a clue." Cameron said and left the two puzzled friends.  
  
***  
  
Mrs. James looked down at the celery and chopped it quickly. Okay, so they weren't having celery for dinner, so what? Mrs. James just felt like chopping something up and better celery than anything else. Mrs. James gave the impression of a beautiful woman who kept on giving up on life. On and off again they went, her efforts. Sometimes she would just sit back and let things happen, knowing that she was in no control of anything except what the James' would be having for dinner that night. But at other times she felt like SHE was in charge of everything and only SHE could change anything. Oddly enough, that second feeling usually came after a few glasses of her favorite wine. It was pure coincidence, of course.  
  
It hadn't always been this way. At one point in her life she had always been in charge. But, as her favorite musician George Harrison had said many times "All things must pass." And so they had. Mrs. James was fair skinned with short black hair and had dark mahogany eyes.  
  
"Hannah, you know it's not my fault. Please don't be mad." Mr. James pleaded with his wife. He eyed a bottle of Rodaro [Rodaro is a wine company, for all of you that don't know] on the kitchen counter. 'Damn Italians.'he thought bitterly.  
  
"I know it's not your fault Arthur. It's just.those other times I didn't mind. We hadn't set down roots and neither had Cameron. But now Cameron has set down roots. He has friends. He has a girlfriend for god sakes! I thought he wouldn't have a girlfriend until he was 25, you know, because he's so lanky." Mrs. James exclaimed. Her chops on the celery became more and more intense.  
  
"I don't have a choice! It's the-oh, hello Cameron." Mr. James turned around to see his son who had just entered the kitchen.  
  
"Hey dad, hi mom." Cameron mumbled. He scanned the kitchen for the telltale sign. There it was: celery. "So, where and when are we moving?" he asked dejectedly.  
  
"How did you." Mrs. James stammered.  
  
"The celery, mom. Every time we move you always chop up celery. Although this celery looks particularly pulverized, even for you." Cameron eyed the shredded vegetable uneasily. 'Always lock my door when I'm sleeping.' He reminded himself.  
  
"I'm sorry Cameron. I just got the word this morning. I know how happy you are in this town." Mr. James said sadly.  
  
"It's okay.I can deal with it." Cameron said. He grinned a false grin at his mother and trudged up stairs to his room where he plunked his backpack down. He sighed and began digging through his desk drawers until he came to an old notebook. On the last page it said "Times I've Moved" in bad kid handwriting. He added the tenth tally on the page. "Well.this stinks." He murmured. 'Look on the bright side, mom is really building up those muscles by raging that onslaught upon the celery.' He smiled a small smile when a terrible thought struck him. 'What am I going to tell Bianca?'  
  
Yeah, I know, this is short. I might continue, I might not. I don't know.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
I do not own any of the following:  
  
10 Things I Hate About You  
  
Joseph Gordan-Levitt  
  
3rd Rock from the Sun  
  
Seinfeld  
  
The Oscars  
  
The Bahamas  
  
The Holy George Harrison  
  
All Things Must Pass  
  
Rodaro  
  
Italy 


	2. Cameron's Whacked Out Dream

Due to lack of interest I have decided to continue this story. I like writing stories that no one bothers to read. It's great fun.  
  
I decided to add in character. I got the inspiration while I was in a McDonalds with my dietician grandma.  
  
BACK TO THE STORY  
  
It was dark outside, but Cameron could see perfectly. He made his way through the dense forest. He was alone excluding the crescent moon that loomed overhead. He wheeled his army-patterned suitcase, even though it kept on getting stuck in mud.  
  
A mournful screech echoed through the forest. Cameron looked around fearfully, his eyes almost achieving a spherical shape. His cat Cinnamon ran out of the foliage. Wait a minute-that wasn't Cinnamon! This cat was white. It just looked like Cinnamon in all other respects. The white cat approached him and rubbed against his leg. He leaned down and scratched the cat. The cat seemed familiar. But something about that cat disappointed him. Not a surprise disappointment, a disappointment that he had been expecting.  
  
All of the sudden his army suitcase burst open and out tumbled.cabbage and celery? He scrambled clumsily to put the vegetables back in while the white cat looked on.  
  
A green minivan pulled up [driven by his parents] where he jumped in the backseat while carrying the suitcase. The white cat followed him. Cameron noticed that the car was full of acquaintances. There were his cousin's friends, his English teacher at one of his old schools, Michael's mom, and many others.  
  
A giant green flash came and aliens abducted the minivan. Oddly enough, it was Kif and those 2 aliens from the Simpsons.  
  
"Welcome to our space craft" they said. They handed them each a ring that was said to track them. Then they put them all to work making marmalade. Once Cameron finished his marmalade quota he realized that he had lost his ring.  
  
Cameron's right eye snapped open first. It was his room. He was in his room, not in some weird forest. Not in a minivan. Not in an alien spacecraft. And he certainly wasn't in a marmalade sweatshop.  
  
Cameron stared out of his window. It was the usual. A moon was there. His neighbor Clyde was there staring out of his telescope, undoubtedly spying on his "secret" crush Sharon, who lived across the street.  
  
Cameron looked over at his calendar. It was a Friday. That was right, it was a Friday. A Friday that had been going on normally until Bianca got a phone call for him on her cell phone. And then the celery.  
  
Cameron shook his head and peered at his digital clock. It read 9:10. Cameron got up and walked out of his room. He arrived at the room with the computer and slumped down on the chair. He quickly logged onto AOL.  
  
"Welcome. You've got mail." The machine chirped. Cameron glared at the monitor. He was really beginning to loathe that greeting. Mail contained news. News was bad.  
  
All the same he decided to read his mail. It's not like he had anything else to do. He got mostly spam. In fact, it was all spam except for one email from his cousin in Massachusetts. He clicked on it and the message opened.  
  
Hey Cameron. How are things in whatever town you guys are in now? [Harry- that was his cousin's name-never could keep where he was living straight] Everything's great here in Boston, other than my job, my now ex-girlfriend, my income, my movie selection, and my life in general. There is one good thing though. This really cool woman moved in next door. She interprets dreams and Cameron, she has seen the Original Star Wars Trilogy, the holy movies, the reason film was invented, a staggering 98 times. That beats my 69 times and blows your 60 times out of the ballpark. And let me tell you, I am so thankful that I learned Spanish. It really helps me with my oh-so respectable job. So, did ya get the girl? It's been a while since we've talked, so email me soon. -Harry  
  
Cameron chuckled. Harry always had been his favorite cousin. In fact, it had been Harry that had introduced him to Star Wars. Harry now lived in Boston, as a manager of a McDonalds. Yep, that's right. He worked at a McDonalds. The business world just didn't realize how invaluable a guy is that can speak Romanian, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, and English fluently was. He also could write Latin. Yet he still had ended up at a dead end job. The injustice of it all sometimes made Cameron's blood boil. He noticed Harry was online, so Cameron promptly IMed him.  
  
I'm too lazy to make up screen names, so I'm just going to use their real names.  
  
Cameron: hi Harry  
  
Harry: hey Cameron. Did you get my email?  
  
Cameron: yeah. To answer your questions no, everything is not well here, and yes, I did get the girl  
  
Harry: does the fact that all is not peachy have anything to do with you getting the girl?  
  
Cameron: nope. It has to do with the stupid US army  
  
Harry: better not let your dad catch you bad mouthing our troops, Cameron. Let me guess, you guys are moving again  
  
Cameron: bingo  
  
Harry: that stinks  
  
Cameron: yeah  
  
Cameron: hey, you know that new neighbor of yours?  
  
Harry: yeah, her name's Jenna  
  
Cameron: yeah, could you possibly get her to interpret a dream I just had?  
  
Harry: no prob. She's right here. We're in the middle of a game of Dungeons and Dragons. I am whipping her butt, if I do say so myself. I'll get her on  
  
Jenna: okay Cameron, I'm Jenna  
  
Cameron: good  
  
Jenna: now tell me your dream  
  
Cameron told her his entire dream and made sure to include every last detail.  
  
Jenna: hmm.it seems that you have some sort of domestic situation  
  
Cameron: yeah, I'm moving. How did you know  
  
Jenna: you mean apart from reading the IM convo with Harry? (by the way, he is so not beating me at D&D) Your dream gives several clues that would point it in that direction. The white cat symbolizes that you are going through difficult times. Cabbage forewarns of getting yourself into poor and negative real estate deals. Purchasing property at this time will give you more trouble than it is worth. I don't know what the celery was about. Jumping in the back seat means that you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over.  
  
Jenna went on for some time telling about all of the signs [making marmalade, being abducted by aliens, losing the ring, etc.] all of which made Cameron sound like a very troubled person. She seemed very perplexed by the celery, though. Cameron decided not to let her in on that. Those dream interpreters already knew too much.  
  
Cameron had just one last thing to say before he logged off.  
  
Cameron: by the way, my Star Wars tally is now 65  
  
***  
  
The first thing Cameron saw when he awoke was a large cat's eye. He soon realized it was large because the cat was up close to him.  
  
"Cinnamon?" he moaned. "Get off!" The cat obediently jumped off the bed. Cameron looked around. He was back in his bed again. Maybe it had all been a dream. Maybe he wasn't moving. Maybe Harry didn't have a neighbor named Jenna. There was only one way to find out. Cameron got out of bed and down the hallway to the computer. He logged onto the Internet. "Welcome. You've got mail."  
  
He opened the mail and began reading it.  
  
Hey Cameron. I beat Jenna at Dungeons and Dragons. Just thought you might like to know. -Harry  
  
Cameron let out a frustrated groan and proceeded to bang his head against the desk.  
  
***  
  
Mrs. James peered at the clock. It was 12:20. Where was that boy? Could he still be sleeping? Cameron had never come down for dinner. He hadn't come down for breakfast. He hadn't come down for lunch. She was getting concerned. She and Cameron had had their little tiffs that had made Cameron upset before, but he was a teenage boy. Missing meals was out of the question. He had always come down for meals, or at least stopped by to get a jar of pickles to bring to his room. Mrs. James checked the refrigerator for the 7th time. An almost full jar of pickles was right next to the chocolate syrup. And what made her more unsettled was the fact that they were out of wine and celery.  
  
The doorbell sounded, interrupting Mrs. James of her thoughts. She opened the door to reveal Michael.  
  
"Oh, hello Michael." She said warmly. This would be just the thing to lift Cameron's spirits. And then she could attack more pressing matters, like the shortage of Rodaro.  
  
"Hello Mrs. James. Is Cameron home?" Michael asked.  
  
"Yes, I think he's upstairs in his room. He might be in a bad mood though." Mrs. James felt it was her duty to warn Michael of what he was in store for. "If he needs me tell him I'll be out buying more celery."  
  
"Uh, I'll be sure to give him the message, Mrs. James." Michael said. He was a bit bewildered. He climbed the stairs and went over into Cameron's room. No Cameron. There was no living organism in the room except for that cat Cinnamon who was gawking at Cameron's neighbor Clyde through the window. They appeared to be having a staring contest.  
  
Michael walked into the room next door. Cameron was in there with a computer.  
  
"Cameron?" Michael asked.  
  
Cameron turned around. He was in the same clothes he had been wearing yesterday, including his shoes. His hair was ruffled. "Oh, hey Michael" Cameron said nonchalantly.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Define "Okay"."  
  
"(Informal) being satisfactory or in satisfactory condition, (informal) in a satisfactory or adequate manner." Michael proceeded to give many other definitions.  
  
"Well then no, I'm not okay."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"My mom is on a celery and wine binge. Do you know what that means?"  
  
"She didn't have the right kind of alcohol to make a Bloody Mary so she just used wine instead?"  
  
"Ha ha. Very funny." Cameron said sarcastically "It means that I'm moving."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know my dad's in the army. Well, the USA moved us. I'm not sure when we're leaving. This'll make it 10." Cameron said dejectedly.  
  
"But you just got here!" Michael protested. Michael, as I'm sure you have noticed, was not all that popular. He needed all the friends you could get, especially since that git Bogey felt that compulsion to gossip.  
  
"I've been here for a while. It just seems like a short amount of time because everyone here loves my company so much." Cameron said and snorted. There was an awkward silence. To the much relief on both Michael's and Cameron's parts, a phone rang. Cameron picked it up on the 3rd ring. "Yello?"  
  
"Cameron!" A peppy voice that melted Cameron's heart sounded from the phone. Cameron didn't have to be told who was speaking.  
  
"Hi Bianca." Cameron smiled warmly. Okay, so maybe his voice was on the verge of cracking. He was a teenage boy, it was allowed. At least, according to his mom it was. His mom wasn't the best source of information, now that he thought about it, seeing as she had once told him that Jughead was the president one-day when Cameron was young and gullible and she was just bored.  
  
Cameron mouthed at Michael "It's Bianca." Michael gave him a "no duh" look and rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hi! Well, I just called to see if you were okay."  
  
"Wait a minute, did my mom call you?" suspicion crept into Cameron's tone.  
  
"No!" Bianca plead innocent. "You just seemed a little off yesterday, that's all."  
  
"You denied that awfully quick for someone who is innocent." Cameron pointed out. Now he was more joking than accusing.  
  
"I'm innocent until proven guilty! Remember, we live in the USA!"  
  
The thought of the USA tore down Cameron's cheery mood that Bianca had so quickly restored. "Don't remind me."  
  
Bianca perceived his distress immediately. "What's the matter?"  
  
'Cameron, just tell her. You've got to.' "Bianca, I have some bad news."  
  
"What is it Cameron?"  
  
"My family is moving."  
  
"What?" She sounded so heart broken.  
  
"Our cat. Yeah, we're moving Cinnamon." The words tumbled out of Cameron's mouth before he had realized what was happening.  
  
Michael gave him an astonished look. "Are you crazy?" He exclaimed.  
  
But Cameron, being the fool he was, disregarded Michael's words. "Yeah, we move so often it's really not fair to Cinnamon, so we decided that we would give him to my cousin Martha. She lives in Illinois, you know. Lots of farm land there."  
  
"I'm so sorry Cameron. I knew how much you liked Cinnamon."  
  
"Yeah, Cinnamon is a great cat."  
  
"Hey Cameron, why don't we go to the movies. It'll help. When my family had to give up my dog Cannon I was so sad. But my sister spent a bunch of time with me. Being with other people helps." Bianca said.  
  
"Yeah, sure." Cameron agreed.  
  
"Good! I'll call you later to make the plans."  
  
"Bye," Cameron hung up the phone and winced as Michael exploded with the exclamations that he deserved. Being a teenage army brat stunk, it really did.  
  
***  
  
Wow. This chapter took a while, and it appears I've wasted that time. Oh well. 


End file.
